Archive
By Akira The Don on Tuesday, May 1st, 2012

By David Dobbs, from NationalGeographic.com:

When New England missionary Hiram Bingham arrived in Hawaii in 1820, he was dismayed to find the natives indulging in idolatry, hula dancing, and, among the ruling family, incest. The Hawaiians themselves did not share Bingham’s shock at the royals’ behavior. Royal incest, notes historian Joanne Carando, was “not only accepted but even encouraged” in Hawaii as an exclusive royal privilege.


King Tut’s family was not the only royalty to have close relations among its close relations.
Photo: Baron/Getty Images

In fact, while virtually every culture in recorded history has held sibling or parent-child couplings taboo, royalty have been exempted in many societies, including ancient Egypt, Inca Peru, and, at times, Central Africa, Mexico, and Thailand. And while royal families in Europe avoided sibling incest, many, including the Hohenzollerns of Prussia, the Bourbons of France, and the British royal family, often married cousins.

The Spanish Habsburgs, who ruled for nearly 200 years, frequently married among close relatives. Their dynasty ended in 1700 with the death of Charles II, right, a king so riddled with health and development problems that he didn’t talk until he was four or walk until he was eight. He also had trouble chewing food and couldn’t sire a child.

The physical problems faced by Charles and the pharaoh Tutankhamun, the son of siblings, point to one possible explanation for the near-universal incest taboo: Overlapping genes can backfire. Siblings share half their genes on average, as do parents and offspring. First cousins’ genomes overlap 12.5 percent. Matings between close relatives can raise the danger that harmful recessive genes, especially if combined repeatedly through generations, will match up in the offspring, leading to elevated chances of health or developmental problems—perhaps Tut’s partially cleft palate and congenitally deformed foot or Charles’s small stature and impotence.


Pharaoh Tutankhamun’s skull defines his general appearance. Its anyone’s guess what his skin color was. This particular model (right) was prepared from a CT-scan-based “cast” of his skull (left) without knowing its identity. Reconstruction by Michael Anderson. Photos in composite © 2007 Michael Anderson and Mark Thiessen © 2007 National Geographic Society. Image:Source

If the royals knew of these potential downsides, they chose to ignore them. According to Stanford University classics professor Walter Scheidel, one reason is that “incest sets them apart.” Royal incest occurs mainly in societies where rulers have tremendous power and no peers, except the gods. Since gods marry each other, so should royals.

Incest also protects royal assets. Marrying family members ensures that a king will share riches, privilege, and power only with people already his relatives. In dominant, centralized societies such as ancient Egypt or Inca Peru, this can mean limiting the mating circle to immediate family. In societies with overlapping cultures, as in second-millennium Europe, it can mean marrying extended family members from other regimes to forge alliances while keeping power among kin.

And the hazards, while real, are not absolute. Even the high rates of genetic overlap generated in the offspring of sibling unions, for instance, can create more healthy children than sick ones. And royal wealth can help offset some medical conditions; Charles II lived far better (and probably longer, dying at age 38) than he would have were he a peasant.

A king or a pharaoh can also hedge the risk of his incestuous bets by placing wagers elsewhere. He can mate, as Stanford classicist Josiah Ober notes, “with pretty much anybody he wants to.” Inca ruler Huayna Capac (1493-1527), for instance, passed power not only to his son Huáscar, whose mother was Capac’s wife and sister, but also to his son Atahualpa, whose mother was apparently a consort. And King Rama V of Thailand (1873-1910) sired more than 70 children—some from marriages to half sisters but most with dozens of consorts and concubines. Such a ruler could opt to funnel wealth, security, education, and even political power to many of his children, regardless of the status of the mother. A geneticist would say he was offering his genes many paths to the future.

It can all seem rather mercenary. Yet affection sometimes drives these bonds. Bingham learned that even after King Kamehameha III of Hawaii accepted Christian rule, he slept for several years with his sister, Princess Nahi’ena’ena—pleasing their elders but disturbing the missionaries. They did it, says historian Carando, because they loved each other.

Article from: nationalgeographic.com

— By Akira The Don on Tuesday, May 1st, 2012

By Akira The Don on Tuesday, May 10th, 2011

I’m obsessed with this tonight. Filtered loop and an ill break. Sometimes that’s all you need my brothers and sisters.

— By Akira The Don on Tuesday, May 10th, 2011

Sunday, May 1st, 2011

That’s me doing dead prez’s Hip-Hop at Southern Hospitality’s Hip Hop Karaoke at the Camden Crawl yesterday. Don’t I look happy? The arm belongs to my dear old friend Dipod, who was good enough to hold the words up for me, as I didn’t know them all. I know most of them. Pretty much 92% of stic.man’s verse, anyway. About 60% of M1′s. I wonder why that is? Anyway, I have respolved to learn the whole thing, 100%, so I can do it at parties, cos it is superior swag.

Speaking which, the mighty DJ Rob Pursey dropped Wonton Soup straight after my performance, and it kicked the fuck off. And when the whole thing was over, at the criminally early hour of 6pm, he dropped 4 Lex Luger productions in the space of about 2 and a half minutes, and my GOD if that isn’t the most hardcore workout I have ever come across. Serious. I thought I was gonna have a seisure. Waka Flocka must be fit.

By the way, if you don’t have a clue what I’m on about, Lex Luger is a producer who makes mental apocalyptic beats on Fruity Loops that all sound like the X-Men theme.

He’s so awesome.

Swag.

Woo.

About 6 hours later I was getting trolled by some funny posh kid in London Fields, who come over to ask for a cigarette in exchange for an invitation to an “excellent party” he and some of his chums were having upstiars. I didn’t have a cigarette, but worse, I had not watched any television yesterday.

He was all like, “how could you not have watched it? It was the greatest moment in our country’s modern history!

Oh, I was laughing like a donkey. Haw haw!

“Aren’t you proud?” he cried. “Don’t you care who represents you?”

“Don’t no weird inbred lizard people represent me, brother!” I told him. “I represent me!” He did a very good aghast face. He kept it going for ages.

“He’s your KING! She’s your QUEEN!” he wailed.

Oh how I LOLed. “I have no KING, you funny boy!” I said, through the pain of my aching ribs. “I have no QUEEN!  I bow to no man or woman or vegetable! Why would I want to do something crazy like that? I’d put my back out!”

“Dude, he’s so trolling you,” said my new Northern friend, who’d upset the boy already by telling him he’d gone fishing all day yesterday.

“I don’t know what you mean,” the posh boy sniffed, sadly.

“Damn G, you’re gonna tell me you voted Tory next. You’re gonna tell me you read The Times,” I said, through tears of laughter.

“Yes I did! And yes I do read The Times!” he exclaimed, sorrowfully. Then he turned on his heels and stropped off upstairs to his excellent party.

All in all, it was a lovely day.

— Sunday, May 1st, 2011

By Akira The Don on Saturday, February 19th, 2011

I think staying positive all the time is kind of un-fun. Life has all kinds of feelings to offer and I’d like to experience as much as possible. One of the reasons I like 4chan is because it’s not all positive. I love negativity very much and every feeling between happy and sad.

Overall, the experience of being alive is inherently positive, and within that why not enjoy your emotions – just remember that at the end of the day, everything about existence is completely absurd. But of course 99.9999% of 4chan users already understand this essential truth.

From AWK’s recent 4chan party.

The song is a cover of a Freddy Mercury ANTHEM OF GLORY AND TRUTH, recently released in Japan. I feel that way too.

MY EYES ARE FULL OF WET!

— By Akira The Don on Saturday, February 19th, 2011

By Akira The Don on Thursday, September 16th, 2010

From The Daily Mash:

THE Queen will today have soup and sandwiches at her Edinburgh home with an insane German criminal she met off a plane.

Joseph Ratzinger, originally from Munich but now living in Italy, wrote to the Queen last year asking if he could pop in on his way to meeting Susan Boyle in the middle of a park in Glasgow.

Her Majesty agreed to his request despite concerns over his involvement in covering up paedophilia and his quirky belief that being gay is worse than raping a child.

Experts have also stressed that Mr Ratzinger’s claim that everything he says is infallible means that instead of swapping gently amusing anecdotes with the Queen and being driven about in a bullet-proof ice cream van, he should really be in a secure, windowless room and injected every half hour with a thunderous dose of temazepam.

Criminal psychologist, Dr Julian Cook, said: “Britain’s mental hospitals are full of people like this. Old, confused, fascist perverts who think Jesus has set up camp in their sock drawer.

“If we have any compassion we will try to trap Mr Ratzinger using a large net, or perhaps a hole covered in twigs and leaves, and then give him the 24-hour care he so desperately needs.”

Tom Logan, visiting professor of visits at Reading University, said: “The Queen has met some splendidly nasty fruitcakes in recent years. I’m thinking particularly of that rotund Saudi gentleman who thinks women are pack animals and that you should chop someone’s hands off if they steal a packet of Toffos.

“But at least that was underpinned by a lovely big arms deal. If only Mr Ratzinger would order a couple of dozen Eurofighters and a class 2 destroyer we could coat this whole mucky business with a nice, hard-headed rationale.”

But Mr Ratzinger’s arrival was overshadowed last night after one of his best friends described Britain as both a ‘third world country’ and a society with a frighteningly high number of people who can read and think.

Logan added: “When I heard the phrase ‘third world’, I didn’t think he was being racist or particularly offensive, I just assumed he must have driven on a British motorway.

“So yes, in that sense Britain is like a third world country, the key difference being that thousands of people aren’t dying of AIDS every day because some mad old fucker in a pointy hat told them that johnny bags are made by Lucifer.”

— By Akira The Don on Thursday, September 16th, 2010

By Akira The Don on Monday, August 30th, 2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCtrmbuSKpQ

I’m just gonna go and quote from the Youtube page right now:

My name is Majela and this is one of the songs that I have written. This song is in response to Jon Lajoie’s “Pedophile beards”. I hope that you enjoy listening to it.

Lyrics:

I love having sex with bearded men,
I love having sex with bearded men,
They tickle, tickle my vagina; they tickle me with their beard

I love having sex with bearded men,
I love having sex with bearded men,
They tickle, tickle my vagina; they tickle me with their beard

I am the queen of vagina,
I am the queen of promiscuous
I am the queen of genita-,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

Come have sex with my vagina,
Come have sex with my vagina
Come have sex with my vagina,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

I got juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina
Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

I am the queen of vagina,
I am the queen of promiscuous
I am the queen of genita-,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

Come have sex with my vagina,
Come have sex with my vagina
Come have sex with my vagina,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

I got juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina
Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

I am the queen of vagina,
I am the queen of promiscuous
I am the queen of genita-,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

Come have sex with my vagina,
Come have sex with my vagina
Come have sex with my vagina,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

I got juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina
Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina
Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

I am the queen of vagina,
I am the queen of promiscuous
I am the queen of genita-,
Come tickle, tickle my vagina

Come have sex with my vagina,
Come have sex with my vagina

I got juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina
Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina
Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

Juicy vagina, juicy vagina,
Wet, wet, wet, juicy vagina

Bad girl! Bad girl!

Via The Piper Machine.

— By Akira The Don on Monday, August 30th, 2010