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Friday, June 22nd, 2012

FIRST UP!

New thing in the Little Shop of Awesome alert!

It’s a beautiful limited edition high quality massive 10″ x 10″ PRINT of the Manga Music sleeve, rendered by my fair hand in Photoshop with a Wacom DT-520. The thing comes with a matte finish for the non-refelecting, and a nice white border for the framing. Each print comes signed and numbered.

Get yours now! And there’s only a few Thunderchrist and Broke prints left also! So get in!

Yeah. You can get a look at the thing on video in my new VLOG, which is coming up in 5, 4, 3, 2…

Pow! Yes. I am being pretty good at this regular Vlogging thing. Today’s includes an instructional guide to WAXING ONE’S MOUSTACHE… which I hope you find useful. I also ask a question at the end, which is an important one: is it disrespectful to swang up at a wedding rocking the Candy Coated Drop Kicks?

I am starting to think it might be disrespectful not to… I would have been honoured to see these at my wedding. They are the finest shoes in the known galaxy.

Anyway. I dunno if you noticed, but my last Vlog – that one where I was getting ranty about Prometheus Space Jesus theorising in my pink towel dressing gown – racked up a crazy 11,000 views in a week, thanks in no small part to the efforts of some newly acquired haters. This was, hilariously, my most divisive video ever, and it racked up 11,000 views in a week. That equates to a whopping $14.30 in ad revenue, which just about covers my new glasses, bought to replace the ones the ocean took for me out in LA the other week.

Speaking of Prometheus, the film’s linguist has revealed what David The Face Bending Android said to that big Voldemort looking space jockey at the end. It was not, as I thought, “rip my head off and beat that Biff Tanner looking ass old weirdo to death with it then go make sweet love to a giant squid,” but something far more pedestrian and lame: ”This man is here because he does not want to die. He believes you can give him more life.”

Well, more life can lead us into the news that I’m reissuing my entire (legal) back catalogue, so you’ll be able to cop all my old shit on iTunes and Spotify and all those other legal channels of modern muzak consumption. I’m getting some of it remastered – some of it never got properly mastred in the first place –  but I’m not re-recording or mixing anything, much as it pains me to listen to my youthful naivety and mistakes, as that would ruin the purity of those recordings. I have had to adjust some of the art, mind you. My first EP, for example, was initially a CD, and thus has recatngular, not square, art.

I can also confirm that the long awaited Full Metal Alchemist video, co-starring my Denver brother Time, will drop on the same day as the new season of Breaking Bad: July 15th.

I COOK! I CHEF! I WALTER WHITE!

Meanwhile, our most recent collaboration, Thunderchrist jump-off Too Sweet To Be Sour is the subject of young Corey McNulty’s college project. Forsooth:

Shout out everyone using my music in their Youtube videos! It is the ultimate sign of respect in the modern age! That and uploading one’s records to Youtube.

Speaking of which, expect a lot more activity in that area coming up very soon.

OK, over and out, I have beats to lace, and a wedding to go to. In case you hadn’t noticed from all the big ass squares, the nice ass camera in my shiny new HTC One X has had me going ham on Instagram lately (username akirathedon, obvs)… even if I am still cut off for running up an £800 phone bill in Yankland (which I am contesting bitterly!). I am merking that shit on wi-fi. All of them end up on my secret Tumblr, so check that shit if you need more DON in your life.

PAX!

PS – the homie Eddie Argos is moving house and has found a bunch of ill stuff he’s selling on his blog, check it out.
PPS –  That Judge Dredd trailer looks ass, but it did remind me that one of the many ill things about the OG Robocop movie was they dubbed his mighty footsteps with an 808 kick drum. You might wanna consider that, movie people. Just a thought. Just planting seeds.

 

— Friday, June 22nd, 2012

Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

That’s right ladies and Gs, up there you can see a little snippet of the intensely professional process that went into creating the excellent artwork for The Kidnapping Of Akira The Don By Joey2tits. Birmingham native and Class-A G Andrew Bainbridge helmed the shoot, assisted by the lovely James Harrison, with set dressing and prop design by Set Dressing Tim.

For my sins, I spent an hour or so tied to a chair, and another couple of hours lying on the floor, and in the boot of our huge shiny Saab. (Joey actually managed to lock me in that boot with the keys still in my hand “by accident” during the recording of the skits. It took me 15 minutes to work out an ingenious, Houdini-esque escape, while Joey laughed like a Hyena trapped down a drain for the duration, and let me tell you right now, 15 minutes is a long-ass time when you’re locked in a cot-damned boot)

As you can see, it was all worth it, as the results the results were amazing. And now, you can hang those results on your wall, by buying a beautiful, glossy, high quality, limited edition PRINT of one of those magnicicent artworks.This one, to be specific:

Yeah, that’s the hotness. Look at that detail! In case you couldn’t work it out, Andrew paints on top of the photos once they’re done, and I’ll let him explain why:

When people see a photograph they think they see a witness: they know I was there, and believe that the image captures something real. But then I overlay another, unnatural layer onto the image trying to pull that certainty apart and reveal some of the more mysterious elements of the human condition.

Exactly. Each print is just £10 and comes with a free digital download of the acclaimed masterwork The Kidnapping Of Akira The Don By Joey2tits. In addition, each print will be signed personally by myself and Joey. Here’s some lovely photos taken with my telephone of us signing some of the peorders:

GET YOURS NOW QUICK BEFORE THEY ALL GO!

In KIDNAPPING T-SHIRT news, my supplier tells me they will be in “Thursday, Friday at the latest”. I have a industrial post-nag full of jiffys and 5 rolls of sellotape at the ready for a day of hardcore DON FACTORY ACTION!

OK then! It’s a beautiful, snow sodden day here in London, and I have an appointment with THE DENTIST in just under an hour, to sort my front tooth out, the one that’s discoloured because it’s DEAD, And has been ever since a day much like today, way back in 1994, when I was just thirteen years old. The netball courts in the school had frozen over with ice, and were all skidding around at high speeds like, well, children and I skipped and fell – SMACK! – on my face, and smashed half my front tooth off. They pulled it down with a brace and leveled it off, but it died that day, and never came back to life.

SO IT GOES!

— Tuesday, November 30th, 2010