WOOOOOOOOOO YEAH BOYEEEEE!

Evil Dead 2 is the definitive in my opinion. Army Of Darkness sis amazing though. Anyway. gonna watch the shit out of this as soon as I get some weed in.

Via MovieWeb.

— By Akira The Don on Thursday, January 17th, 2013

Well?

Only joking, don’t do it assholes, you balls it up.

Rah though, is it just nostalgia or is that theme music fucking amazing?

— By Akira The Don on Monday, August 13th, 2012

Oh, what a shock. From Yahoo:

Ah, there’s nothing quite like the serene “swoosh-swooshing” of oars in the water, as Olympic rowers glide along the water. There really isn’t, because those sounds spectators are hearing on their TVs are not live from the event,The Atlantic reported.

In order to keep sight of the boats, broadcasters must follow them with chase boats and a helicopter. The result is that the sound of the rowing is drowned out by that noise. So, NBC elected to replace the live audio with a recorded soundtrack of rowing practices to deliver more accurate depiction of what the sport sounds like in its pure form.

Check out the difference between the sounds of live events as opposed to their TV equivalents.

[Related: NBC blasted for not showing Opening Ceremony live]

Audio engineer Dennis Baxter has employed 350 mixers, 600 sound technicians and 4,000 microphones to create a viewing experience that is better than seeing the events in person.

Rowing is not the only sport in which the sound is enhanced for TV viewers. Archery is another sport in which TV audiences hear more than the folks in the stands. Microphones are placed on the ground between the archers and their targets, capturing the “whoosh” of arrows in flight, not just the thud of when it strikes the target.

Another event that takes TV viewers deeper into the experience is diving. “We have microphones on the handrails as the divers walk up. You can hear their hands. You can hear their feet. You can hear them breathing,” Baxter told The Atlantic.

An underwater hydrophone is able to capture the sounds of bubbles as divers enter the pool, and give viewers a glimpse into the isolation divers encounter at the bottom of the pool.

[Photos: London Games Opening Ceremony]

Gymnastics is another event in which microphones are able to add a new dimension to the sport. When Nadia Comaneci scored a perfect 10 on the uneven bars at the 1976 Games, all that TV viewers could hear was the announcer and the crowd. Today, with mics on every corner of the bars, we’re able to hear every sound of the action, right down to the breathing of the gymnasts.

The result of all this audio technology is an experience that draws us closer into the world of Olympic athletes, making our living rooms even better than a front-row seat.

— By Akira The Don on Monday, July 30th, 2012

From The Huffington Post, who have elected to give me a platform on which to moider about stuff. Holla if there’s anything you want covering!

So-called summer in this auspicious year of our lord, 2012, of which the Mayans predicted the dawning of a new global consciousness, Rik Clay (RIP) predicted a staged alien invasion/rapture event at the London Olympics, and a bunch of 15th Century monks predicted that the final pope, Petrus Romanus, AKA the Anti Christ, would come to power. A year in which the lizard rulers of this wet island so angered the Skygod he got all old testament Biblical on our asses and hit us with three months worth of rain in a week in June.

The killers in high places scream their prayers from the rooftops. Bad Craziness, Psychotic Negligence and Flagrant Wealth Reconsolidation are the orders of the day amongst The Powers That Be, and so too Bread And Circuses – the Roman practice of keeping the drooling proletariat fat and distracted in an orgy of gluttony and lowest common denominator entertainment – is at an all time high. BREAD! AND CIRCUSES! IS AT AN ALL! TIME HIGH! I feel a chorus coming on.

In a year that’s already brought us The Avengers (amazing) and Prometheus (Chris de Burgh’s A Spaceman Came Travelling stretched out for two hours) the Circuses element of the equation shows no sign of abating any time soon. The Dark Knight Rises in a few weeks, but first, we have Sony’s The Amazing Spider-Man.

Now, it should be noted here that Spider-Man was my most very favouritest superhero of all when I was growing up. Pretty much the first thing I can remember is Spider-Man. My mum painted him on my wall when I was an infant. I was drawing him from the moment I could wield a crayon.

When I was seven I was in Liverpool children’s hospital because the hole in my dick mysteriously disappeared, but the whole thing was worthwhile because my dad got me a pile of American comics, among those the Todd McFarlane period Amazing Spider-Man, which burned neural pathways in my brain that remain to this day.

I will never forget the fear I felt as Venom chased that homeless man through the sewer, or the terrified awe that image of the Lizard gripping Spidey by the throat, mask torn, inspired in me. I even played my first rap show in a child’s Spider-Man outfit, so nervous/drunk/high that I puked through the mask on the support band’s bass amp.

Therefore, you’d be forgiven for assuming your humble narrator to be excited as a politician in a pile of babies at the prospect of this brand new Spider-Man movie. But despite my legendary optimism – my tankard remains always half full, and even the blackest of clouds lined with platinum – I am not excited about this movie at all. I probably won’t even bother to see it, unless loads of people who’s opinions I value say its amazing. And here are five reasons why:

1: It’s not being made because a bunch of people really wanted, more than anything else, to tell the best Spider-Man story they could on the sliver screen. It’s being made to stop the rights to the character reverting from Sony back to Marvel. Who, as we have seen, make much better superhero movies than Sony. Because of this movie, we won’t see Spider-Man in any Avengers or Avengers-related movies for at least the next decade.

2: As a reboot, we are once again going to be told the Spider-Man origin story. And as great an origin story as it is, I think I’ve seen and read it enough times for one lifetime. It’s only 10 years since the last big screen Spider-Man origin movie. And while there are a couple of welcome changes in this reboot – the Who Were His Parents angle, the re-assertion of Peter Parker as a science genius, creating his own web shooters like he did in the comics – I don’t care. There’s 40 plus years of Spider-Man stories out there and you want to tell the first one yet again?

3: The director. This noob’s only directed one movie (the rom-com 500 Days of Summer) along with a blizzard of cookie cutter major label music videos for people like Diddy and Maroon 5 and Nelly. And I’m pretty sure the only reason he was hired was because his name is Marc Webb.

4: The lead actor. Or more specifically his hair. Every time he takes his mask off in the trailer or any photos I’ve seen his hair seems to magically bounce into this amazing sculpted foux messy quiff, rather than clinging damply to his head, as anyone that’s worn a Spider-Man mask for any protracted length of time can tell you is what happens.

5: Last, and by no means least, in fact most importantly by 17 light years: The Costume. Spider-Man’s costume is indisputably the greatest superhero costume of all time. Steve Ditko’s design is flawless in every aspect, and while over the past 40 plus years countless artists have tried improving it, they’ve always reverted to the original design.

One of the main reasons I didn’t care for the last batch of Spider-Man films (despite the second being very good) was the stupid web piping on the costume that made the lines look white half the time. But this one is worse. This one dispenses with the best thing about Ditko’s costume design – the curved webbing. The curved webbing, in this new incarnation… is straight! Why? Why do such a horrible thing? It looks worse!It looks like when a kid tries to draw Spider-Man for the first time and just does a grid! He looks like he’s wearing a trellis! It looks like gaudy red plaid! It is an outrage and an insult!

I can’t think of a single reason to do this other than the designers wanted to feel like they’d contributed something artistic, like the needless reinventions of Giger’s perfect xenomorph design in all the Alien sequels. Its needless vanity and foolishness on the part of the movie’s creators, and I can’t see me being able to watch the film without being constantly distracted by that outrageous obscenity.

So there you go. As I said, I’m a Plenty More Room In The Jar For More Booze type of a fellow, and I can just as easily thinking of five reason the movie might be great, but that’s another post, and regardless, I’m still too scarred from what Ridley Scott and Damon Lindyhop did to me with Prometheus. So I’m going nowhere near this movie unless a whole load of people whose opinions I deem worthy of consideration tell me it’s amazing. So if you can find it in your heart to look past the trellis and watch the thing, let me know.

PAX!

— Friday, July 6th, 2012

AKA:

『ゾンビアス』　予告編≪海外版≫

This seems considerably less ridiculous to me than the Spider-Man reboot. Now I think about it, it is evidently a clever allegory for Hollywood.

— By Akira The Don on Tuesday, June 26th, 2012

See, I don’t give a FUCK about the new Spider-Man film because a: it was only made so that Columbia could retain rights to the thing and not give it back to Marvel, who have proven themselves ace at making movies about their own characters and b: they’ve completely fucked the costume up. Straight lines on the mask? Get the fuck out of here with your wack ass bullshit fool!

But this Italian Spiderman shit, this I can get with. Not only does it look amazing, but the music is entirely excellent to boot. And not a straight lined web in sight. Over to Comics Alliance, who explain:

“Originally produced as a trailer for a nonexistent exploitation flick that had been lost to the ages, Italian Spiderman became so successful as a YouTube hit that the South Australian Film Corporation gave the producers money to make a full-length film. Now, the whole thing has been released to the web in a Complete and Uncut form, and it’s in the running for the best thing you’ll see all week. Clear out the next 40 minutes and watch it after the cut!

The plot follows Italian Spiderman, who is consistently referred to as “Italian Spiderman” in one of the film’s best recurring gags. Despite his name, and his obvious connection to his unmustachioed American counterpart, Italian Spiderman doesn’t seem to have many spider-related powers — it’s a little more than halfway in before he uses some kind of telepathy to command a spider to attack one of his captors.

What he lacks in wall-crawling, though, he makes up for in other powers that are added seemingly at random over the course of the film. He can decapitate a man with a single karate chop, teleport, fix a chicken with a stare so intense that it lays a pack of cigarettes instead of an egg, and — perhaps most amazingly – summon penguins to attack bikini girls. It’s a pretty great set of powers, which comes in handy when you’re fighting someone as devious as the rudo mastermind Captain Maximum:

Unfortunately — and perhaps fittingly — there isn’t likely to be any more Italian Spiderman after this. But take heart! For one thing, the creators have moved on to the similarly awesome Danger 5, done in the same retro-exploitation style, but with the added bonus of being about five men killing Hitler.

Plus, even with only forty minutes to his name, I think we’ve all learned a lesson from Italian Spiderman:

Seriously, to parapharse Benito Cereno: If this summer’s Amazing Spider-Man movie is half as good as its “Italian” counterpart, then it’ll be the second-best Spider-Man movie ever made.”

Read the full article at Comics Alliance.

— By Akira The Don on Thursday, June 7th, 2012