Spotted at #OCCUPYWALLSTREET recently

— By Akira The Don on Tuesday, October 11th, 2011

Good choice OptimaX!

— By Akira The Don on Tuesday, January 18th, 2011

Ah, sweet, scary Lulz.

Via Disnfo

— By Akira The Don on Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

“I do not stand under, no”.

Dude makes a very good point about birth certificates. But what’s with the pen? They had recorders in WALES in ’91!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqS790FlF3U&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SAgofVHbd4&feature=related

— By Akira The Don on Monday, November 22nd, 2010

Day two at the momma house, and I am finally getting used to her ridiculous mouse, that looks like a mouse, and not only looks like a mouse – with a tail coming out where you hold the thing, and ears for left and right click button – but is encrusted with diamanté blingy stuff… yes, it is mental and weird and strange and baffling, but I am getting used to it… all in time for me to bog off back to London, and my big heavy wireless mouse that looks like a sort of military armadillo, in time to do the Doncast tomorrow.

Which is a shame, as I rather like hanging out with my mum on our machines in our makeshift office. We naughtily took a two hour lunch break today to walk the streets of Andover, marvel at the ducks, buy presents, and have lunch in the garden centre. If you’re ever in the area I recomend it highly, the staff are very nice and they do a mean flowerishly-latticed pork pie. They also sell four foot potted apple trees with really nice looking apples growing on them for £20, which is amazing. I might get one, to go with my little orange plant. I’ve had the thing for nearly three years, for the most of which time it has sat on the windowsill looking ill and yellow and it hadn’t fruited since I got it, until my girl’s sister put me on to this Citrus Baby Bio stuff and now I am the proud owner of a tiny baby orange plant covered in loads of tiny baby oranges. They are green rigt now, and only the size of marbles, but I am going to enjoy watching them grow tremendously.

Yes, life is sweet, unless your colleague has planted child pornography on your laptop, or your name is Andrew Crosley and you’re getting hit with a £500,000 fine for being an evil granny-robbing douchebag. I would laugh and point, but one shouldn’t mock the afflicted, and at any rate, that’s a tiny punishment for so great a crime. Bonis nocet quisqus malis perpercit, as my old pal Jesus used to say. That man should be in JAIL, and I am certain he will get there in the end.

Speaking of massive douches, another fun thing about visiting my Mum is seeing all the post that she gets from debt collectors looking for my ass. They have been after me since I was 18 and, drunk in a town centre one fine afternoon, I got myself a Topman Store Card, which I immediately maxed out on a cammo print puffa jacket, some black army trousers and this Mean White Top Wot Zipped Down The Side Of My Neck To My Left Shoulder Blade. Around the same time I also bought a PC computer on credit. I then proceded to run around the country like a madman for a number of years, as you probably know from all those songs I wrote, while the little debt turned itself into a Great Big Debt that I have steadfastly ignored ever since.

ANYWAY. These debt collectors’ efforts tend to come in cycles, following a long period of non activity, usually triggered by an unsuccessful loan application and accompanying credit check. They start out with the threatening (pay us), moving onto the very threatening (pay us or else), then to the super threatening (pay us or you will go to jail), before moving on to the desperate (please pay us), and so on. Right now they are in the deep, dark pits of Embarrassing Uber-Desperation, as they are sending me jaunty nonsense like this:

Dear Mr Narkiewicz

We previously asked a debt collection agency to contact you and now your account has been returned to us.

Fantastic offer – Save £ 814.90

It is important that you deal with your outstanding obligation Mr Narkiewicz, so we have the following options for you:

1. Pay £203.73 by 30th September 2010 and we will clear the remaining £814.90 to clear the balance…

Woah! That is indeed a “fantastic offer!” But having gone from “pay us or face legal action… bailiffs… death at the hands of trained ninja midgets” to “fantastic offer!” I think I’m gonna hold out for the next “super fantastic offer”, which will no doubt involve YOU giving ME money, and maybe a speedboat or something. Ave!

— Tuesday, September 28th, 2010

Uh oh. Someone’s gonna get PUBED. As ZP just said in his email, “DON’T FEED THE TROLLS!”

From The Register:

ACS:Law, the firm of solicitors being investigated by authorities over thousands of threatening letters to alleged unlawful filesharers, was attacked by net activists linked to 4chan overnight.

The firm’s website was brought back online at about 10.45am, following a Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) strike.

It follows similar action against music and film industry websites over the weekend under the auspices of “Operation: Payback Is A Bitch”, coordinated over IRC by members of 4chan, the anarchic message board.

Andrew Crossley, the head of ACS:Law, told The Register the attack was “typical rubbish from pirates”.

“Big whoop,” he added.

“It was only down for a few hours. I have far more concern over the fact of my train turning up 10 minutes late or having to queue for a coffee than them wasting my time with this sort of rubbish.”

ACS:Law obtains court orders to force ISPs to reveal the identities of customers linked to IP addresses observed sharing copyright files in BitTorrent swarms. It then sends letters demanding payment of several hundred pounds to avoid a civil lawsuit.

The files are typically video games or pornographic films, with copyrights held by Digiprotect, a specialist German monitoring firm that aims to profit from piracy. ACS:Law does not usually take anyone who refuses to pay to court, however, and is currently under investigation by the Solicitor’s Regulatory Authority. A tribunal is expected next year.

Crossley claimed this morning that the only victims of the DDoS attack were the targets of his letters. “We provide an awful lot of resources to help people,” he said.

ACS:Law joins the MPAA and RIAA as a brief casualty of “Operation: Payback Is A Bitch”. The BPI, which was also targeted, managed to stay online.

The attacks have been linked to Anonymous, an ad-hoc activist group that came to prominence via 4chan as an anti-Scientology campaign.

— By Akira The Don on Thursday, September 23rd, 2010