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Monday, February 13th, 2012

“My legs ache, my heart is sore
The well is full of pennies”
Tom Waits – The Fall of Troy 

I think I’m alone now. There doesn’t seem to be anyone around. No, I’m pretty sure my wife did indeed board a plane to an ashram in the middle of a forrest in India on Friday morning and I haven’t seen her since. Every day now I wake up with this in my head:

There is no one to tell me to go to bed so I stay up till I hear the people downstairs opening the shop. On Friday I got into the shower with half of my clothes on for no good reason, then that night I went to my friend Dave’s birthday party and got so drunk I couldn’t get out of bed until it got dark on Saturday. I also got food poisoning (although Littles reckons it’s a stomach cold). Last night I cut my head open banging it into a ceiling beam in the attic and there was no one around to kiss it better. I didn’t update any of my social networks for 36 hours and people started texting to see if I was still alive.

Yes, I could paint a pretty tragic picture of my life alone. But that is only one side of the story. I have also written two songs since Friday, and done a lot of valuable research for ATD27, and watched Robocop 1 and 2 – reminding myself of the greatness of the first and the hysterical awfulness of the second – and read Frank Miller’s original script for Robocop 2, or as close to Frank’s script as one can get, that being the Avatar comics released official comics adaption of Frank Miller’s original Robocop 2 script. Turns out that, while Frank Miller claimed they’d ruined his script and that’s why Robocop 2 was shit, the shittest bits of Robocop 2 are all present in Frank Miller’ script, and the only bits that made it bearable are not… and that Frank Miller’s original Robocop 2 script was batshit crazy and incredibly misogynist in a way that makes his All Star Batman & Robin comic look like The Dark Knight Returns.

Here for your edutainment, is a panel in which Robocop pimp slaps the female psychiatrist character you may remember form the movie into some kind of panely-machine, before setting her face on fire and locking her in a burning laboratory, quipping, “have a nice day,” on his way out.

She then uploads her personality into the Robocop 2 robot that features in the movie, so the final battle is between Robocop and a great big godzilla robot with this female psychiatrist turbo-bitch character’s personality in it, saying textbook shit like, “we need to dialogue” and something about “relating”, to which Robocop replies “relate to this!” and shoots her arm off. The thing finishes with a ridonculously scantily clad and over-sexed Officer Lewis - an hilariously Miller-typical take on Robocop’s partner in the movies – shooting the evil bitch monster’s arm off, before Robocop, who was grieving fo the loss of his wife half an hour ago, goes in for the mechanical snog.

Oh Frank.

Meanwhile, in the “real world”:

Ah ha ha ha!

So, yeah, I’ve done loads of useful stuff. I also went to an exhibition of recreations of ancient Egyptian artwork, and I found £50 (fifty) pounds in an envelope in the  middle of a pile of old printouts and doodled upon paper. Yeah, I am survinging just about OK without my beautiful wife. I even had a big bag of organic fruits and vegitables delivered. See!

I have to admit though, I have no idea what they all are. A few have me very stumped, although much deliberation has lead to the suspicion one may be a beetroot and one might be a red cabbage. No idea what that thing top left is though.

As for my beautiful wife, it is 14:34 right now, and she is 5 hours ahead, which means it’s 19:34 for her right now so she, according to her terrifying itinerary, is meditating, or chanting, or listening to a lecture.

Here, for your edutainment, is that itinerary:

  • 5:30 am: Wake up
  • 6:00 am: Satsang (Meditation, chanting, lecture)
  • 8:00 am: Asanas
  • 9:00 am: Anatomy and physiology
  • 10:00 am: Breakfast
  • 11:00 am: Karma Yoga (helping out with chores)
  • 12:00 pm: Bhagavad Gita or Kirtan
  • 2:00 pm: Main lecture in philosophy or anatomy
  • 4:00 pm: Asanas and pranayama
  • 6:00 pm: Dinner
  • 7:30 pm: Satsang (Meditation, chanting, lecture)
  • 10:00 pm: Lights out

She’s doing this for a month you know. A month!

Holy Batfink Jesus On A Skateboard Christ preserve us all. And RIP Whitney, you beautiful voiced creature. You are with Serge now. Party on, dudes.


Serge Gainsbourg vs. Whitney Houston by larsen42

— Monday, February 13th, 2012

By Akira The Don on Friday, December 16th, 2011

Well, Frank Miller, obviously. By French artist Boulet, in response to Frank Miller’s crazy rant the other week.

And here’s it’s awe inspiring creation. Via Bleeding Cool.

— By Akira The Don on Friday, December 16th, 2011

Thursday, November 18th, 2010

From the depths of the bleak pre winter, I bid you YO. The sky looks like somebody’s opened up a portal to an evil dimension, which might explain the plague of florescent orange garbed rail workers, policemen and firefolk. I can’t go to the shop for a packet of crackers without tripping over gangs at the moment. They’re all buying cans of Coke and packets of biscuits and crisps. It’s no wonder they all look so poorly. Their pregnant red faces are explosions of broken nerve endings, like fireworks.

Meanwhile The Kidnapping streaks its electric way across the internet, like sheet lightning. KRAK-OW!

6 in a year and this one really is mint
The Beatles need to study ‘prolific’ a bit harder…………….. are you going for 7?
P Bonson

Man, I was going for 12, but with The Kidnapping it was decided that quality > quantity, so we took our time to make it great. And with that done, there’s a gang of awesome stuff coming right up, including VIDEOS and COMICS, and Faculty X, and Stunners 3, and ATD25. And The Life Equation.

Thanks for the FLAC! Looking forward to more in the future.
Stephen Belter

…all on FLAC, natch. FLAC is ace, it just take ages to upload.

Dearest Akira The Don,

I downloaded your acapella from Be Brave a while back, & have remembered again & am going to do you a remix, ’cause I’m lovely. Haven’t actually attempted to figure it out yet, but I remember whenever I first downloaded it I was having trouble finding the tempo. So, what is it?
Cheers, & a hearty PAX
Gerry (TiRO)

Good point. I need to start saying what the tempo is when I drop acapellas. We also need an acapella section in here somewhere. Note to self/Zef. Oh, and Tiro, it’s 92.986.

Really like the new site. It’s so organized and hi-tech looking really worth the wait. I will miss the old sit though, it will be remembered :”’(
Can’t wait for the new tape to come out plus the new Doncasts!!! I need some more jams at my boring job.
Team rockets blasting off again!!!
(ping)
Nathan Salzar

Thanks Nathan. You know I never took a screen shot? FOOLISH! I really want screen shots of the site over the years. I feel like an orphan with no baby photos. This does remind me however that the Doncasts need updating. What it is is, I use Ustream to record the audio, which it does in the form of .flv files, which always seem to warp and distort when I convert them, so I have to play them back and record them in real time, which is a Long Thing. I need a better system. Which is why we’re trying a new one for next week.

Hey !
love the one page deaths head strip bravo!
i heard you done a strip of the old freelance peace keeping dude killing some datsun fans?!?!
any chance of a read of that ?? im trying to collect all of old d/h apperances,
thank you :)
Craig

Death’s Head is a cult, if you didn’t know already. And guess what, Craig? Not only can you viddy my 2003 Death’s Head 3 one page strip, you can now feast your eyes on my very first Death’s Head comic, from when I was 8 (eight). POW!

Yeah, I was always a serious dude. Check back and I’ll have the whole thing in one of those smart slidehsows Zef concocted.

Hello Mr. Don
I am currently reading through 1984 and just read a line that i swear to god you sample in one of your songs, it goes like this:
‘He had moved from thoughts to words, and now from words to actions. The last step was something tht would happen in the ministry of love’
now in your song i think its a lil diff than that but i swear its something along those lines but i cant find the god damn song, do you know which song i mean?
Much Love,
Benji

I do indeed Benji. It’s Dear Baby (Cut You In The Face). The sample is from the 1945 David Nivven radio play, which is a work of chilling genius. I used that on a few tracks over the years. And may well yet again.

My harddrive crashed two months ago, so I’m so glad that your new website has all the old songs.
I’m still missing closing time but hopefully you’ll get a good copy soon.
I recently found what I believe was your first website, that plus all the songs you now have uploaded, brings back so many great memories. And I love your new website too.
After many years you’re still my favorite artist and I know that you always will be.
You’re so different from anything I’ve ever heard and I can’t help but to smile while listening to your music.
Cheers
Lucas Olsson

Peace Lucas. Harddrive crashes are amongst the most traumatic occurrences that can happen to the modern robosapien. I’ve suffered so very  many. I think I cried after one, many years ago.  Harddrive crashes are why there are some holes in the discography, and while I salvaged most of it (four missing tapes are uploading as I type) – there are still some glaring omissions. I have a couple of treasure chest drives I’m saving up to get bough back to life by expensive surgeons.  But until then I shall continue to hunt the dusty corridors of my old wedges. And if you can let us know when you spot something missing, that would be very helpful and your peers will thank you.

OK, that’s enough for now.

Send your letters to akirathedon at gmail.com!

OH W00T, THE PRINTS ARE IN! I’ll get Joey round to scribble on them and we shall get them right out.
PAX!

— Thursday, November 18th, 2010

By Akira The Don on Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

I heard he gave up on that Batman VS Bin Laden book to do a 300 sequel. Thank fuck for that.

— By Akira The Don on Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

Friday, January 23rd, 2009

ATD enters the ring, refuses to pause, BLA-OW! Y’all zoidbergs better come hard or come dancing! Sheeeeeeeeeet!

Friday Night Fights!

LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET’s GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Friday Night Fights: KLUGG!

KLUGG!

And there you have it! Go see the rest of the fights, if you gots the stomach for it. Hold tight Chris!

This week's fight was from the pages of Spawn/Batman
By Frank Miller and Todd McFarlane
Image Comics, 1994

— Friday, January 23rd, 2009