A few days ago people were telling me I’d be lucky to crack top 40. When we got to number 5, people were saying that was enough. Well done, but you better give it up. The competition’s too strong. But I knew different, brothers and sisters. I knew our quest was right, our appetite for glory was strong, and our thirst for victory could only be quenched by one thing… NUMBER ONE!
And right now, brothers and sisters, we are at NUMBER TWO, a massive 2040 points ahead of Andre 3000 at number 5, and a brazen 1261 points ahead of our nearest rival, Robyn, at number 3. WE ARE DOING IT!
This is our third day on the chart. Yesterday we added over 1000 points bringing us significantly closer to the number one spot, currently occupied by LCD Soundsystem, who’ve been on the chart for 6 days and are now just 927 points ahead! OH MY GOD!
It should be noted that a crazy 3801 of LCD’s points came from ONE person – Ana Marie Cox, who is being followed by 1,473,082 men, women, children and spam bots. In contrast, the majority of our points came from people with a handful of followers. Real-ass people who’s votes bought in 1, 2, 3, 4, 20-odd points each. We’ve had a few big hitters lend their mighty weight to our righteous cause – shout out Martin Carr, Example, Gonzales, Dan le Sac, Scroobius Pip, The Quietus, Lethal Bizzle et all – but most of this victory is down to the combined efforts of non-celebrities. And that is a beautiful thing.
So let us not falter, brother. Let us not waver, sister. Let us take inspiration from Mel Gibson in Braveheart, from Sigourney Weaver in Aliens, from Paul Gasgoine in world cup ’90… actually, scrub that, we LOST that thing… from Maradona and his Godly hand, from Pele and his no shoes, from Baldrick in Blackadder, from that angel in It’s A Wonderful Life, from EVERY TINY BABY THAT EVER FELL ON IT’S POO SMEARED-ASS AND GOT BACK UP… let us belkive in the power we have inside us and SMASH THAT CHART LIKE GREEK PLATES!
Are you with me?!
ARE YOU WITH ME?!
Alrighty! Then get your fine ass over here and CLICK THAT VOTE BUTTON! Then get your Mum to do the same! Then your Nan! Even if she hasn’t got a Twitter account! Get her to sign up! One point from your Nan could be the point that does it!
Be proud! Be strong! BE BRAVE!
Oh man, what a feeling. And speaking of winning, we have some WINNERS from last week when I went away and asked you to do some emailing. Shout out
You are all winners! expect an email this evening asking for your T shirt sizes, and prizes will follow! BLAP!
Caption Contest winners coming up.
OK go vote for that thing. If we win I’m gonna drop some free music. I might have to throw a party or some ish as well. Actually, here’s a thing. How best shall we celebrate this mighty victory which is our DESTINY?
EDIT: WOAH! WE DID IT! LCD Soundsystem got chased out of the building and we are NUMBER FLIPPING ONE!!!