So. My girl rang me at 11 saying she’s staying at her friend’s house, and what did I do?
No I did not suspect foul play. We’re cool de la bebbeh. I feel bad for you. Really.
No I did not take the opportunity to make loud noises into a microphone (yet).
Yes I did watch Terminator – The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
I KNOW! It’s crap, i could have done eight billion other things that would have been far more edifying.
I got into season two, and they introduced this new big bad. Head of a company uppity dame type. You only saw her from behind for a bit. Then they did one of those turn-around close-up camera shots, and BLAOW! Shirley Bloody Manson. From Garbage. Shirley “I Shat On My Boyfriends Cornflakes Cos He Cheated On Me” Manson.
(Watch this up until 3:45. I tell you!)
The next shock was the acting. Which was shocking. HAW!
But it wasn’t over!
Because at the end of the episode, one of this uppity dame Shirley Bloody Manson’s employees is in the bogs, about to slash one off in the urinal, muttering to himself about how much that damn Shirley Bloody Manson “pisses him off”…
THE BOG TURNS INTO SHIRLEY BLOODY MANSON!
Using a cheaper version of that morphing effect from T2!
She’s like, “sorry I piss you off Mr Tuck.”
Then she extends her liquid robot finger, as if she’s about to walk like an Egyptian (picture it)…
…and pokes a hole in dudes head!
The she does this smirk (I bet it’s the same smirk she dropped when she dumped on that dude’s cornflakes), “the feeling’s mutual.”
And then it ends.
And I’m all like, “whaaaat the fuuuuuck?!?!?!?!?!” With that many question marks and explanation marks tumbling forth from my jaw, slack like some Tex Avery cartoon, to nobody, as I am all alone (wah), bathed in the warm glow of my elegant 22″ widescreen Samsung monitor.
I mean, why on earth is a T-1001 running a company and indiscriminately poking people in the head while they’re truing to piss and getting “pissed off” any way? It’s a ROBOT! Hmm. I am sure all will be revealed…
Anyway. Then I had to get up and tell someone about it. I couldn’t tell my girl, cos she’s asleep and has to get up in a few hours. I reckon she’d have appreciated it, because I’m pretty sure she was with me when I bought – hmm… was it Queer? It had some bubble wrap thing going on, and a Danny Saber remix on it (now there’s a funny thing) - on 7″ vinyl from Cob Records in Bangor in the mid nineties. Yeah, we go way back like Damon Albarn’s hairline (mine’s begun the journey, if truth be told).
So I told you, as everyone else is asleep, apart from Colin, who I told too.
Aren’t you glad?
I think Colin’s gonna send me that Danny Saber remix. I’ll post it if he does. Edit – He did. Although it’s a different one to the one I was on about. I think. Shit! I remeber this! Ace! Cheers Colin!
Right. I’m gonna go do something useful.
Stream: Garbage – Stupid Girl (Danny Saber Remix)
BONUS! An hilarious interview with Carig Kirborne after the break.