Adam As Actist, And A Tale Of Woe


Nice Trainspotty poster, huh? That up there is the thing wot I have been learning lines for. It is a very funny TV pilot about the horrors of the Real Life Music Industry, called Access All Areas. It is wonderfully observed – I recognise every character in it. I now know all my lines, but shall likely fudge at least one, as apparenty Mercury is doing something weird and making the lives of people who’s birthdays lie on the fifteenth, sixteenth, and seventeenth very difficult.

Take this New York trip. So, I did something wonderful for the galaxy, and set up a piano battle between Chilly “Fuckeye” Gonzales and Andrew “Don’t Call Me Andy” W.K.. I wished that I could go, but I didn’t even have enough money to pay my rent, so I had no idea how it could happen. Then Gonzales sent me an email:

I’m getting you a flight. I woke up this morning like “Akira must be there:.

I was right. You have to be there.

And oh, I did leap for joy! Oh, how happy was I! How grateful! How excited! And in my excitement, I didn’t notice when the outbound flight was booked for Thursday afternoon that I already had a commitment  – indeed, the above pilot, no less – on Thursday evening.

Oh, how sick did I feel when I realised that (on Sunday afternoon, just as we wrapped filming the iANDY Zombie Film, natch). The bottom fell out of my belly. For Air Kenya (YES!) would not, and could not rearrange the flights. What was I to do?

I gnashed my teeth, I punched my door, and I searched my heart.

Then I phoned my bank, and begged for a loan.

Yeah! I know!

And they gave me one!

Which was lucky, as I also needed a new passport, since mine had been in the washing machine (and I remembered Music Like Dirt’s tale of woe from SXSW), and do you know how much it costs to get a passport these days? £130. Yeah!

So I bought a new passport, and another flight to New York.

I was excited again.

Then, yesterday, I was hit with another of The Great Skygod’s custard pies.

I discovered (thanks to the wisdom of my great friend BJ) that, as I won’t be on the original outbound Thursday flight, I will not be allowed on the return flight.

Serious! They do that!

Oh, I was outraged on the phone. Oh, I pleaded.

“No exceptions.”

Something inside, so strong, nearly died.

I had two options – let down all the lovely people involved in AAA, or buy a new flight, and flirt with eviction.

What did the man say?

Never Let Down.

So I bought another flight, back to the UK.


I am hilarious.

I am inept.

And I am in a Great Debt.

But I am going to New York.

I will be there from Friday to Sunday.

IT’S GONNA BE SO WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh, and if anyone wants to book me for something while I’m out there, get in touch.


— Thursday, September 24th, 2009

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  1. normannumeric
    September 24, 2009
    11:34 am

    The bank should be looking at it as an investment dude.

  2. Lee Spoons
    September 24, 2009
    11:39 am

    Never Let Down indeed 😀

    You, sir, are a LEGEND, and for that (and the Shoes mixtape which I was listening to this morning) I’ve donated a little something.

    (also: £130 quid for a passport?! Ye gads!)

  3. Koltreg
    September 24, 2009
    1:38 pm

    Damn, probably the first time you'll be in the states for a while. If only I weren't on vacation and could take the Chinese express bus. :/ Good luck with finances though sir. I've been meaning to buy the mixtape I don't have. Will do asap.

  4. neil / music like di
    September 24, 2009
    2:46 pm

    Yes! Glad that just like my nightmares with getting to the US yours seem to have somehow worked out (even if you will have more debt than the Lehmans – financial easing for the don I say).

    I look forward to an emotional/drunk/inspired video post from Joe's bar – the centre of the piano world for one night only!

    Love Andrew WK's face as he's watching Gonzales challenge him. Brilliant

  5. Raydome
    September 24, 2009
    3:20 pm

    Nice tale of ups and downs there, hope it works out.

    Is the pilot being filmed at all? Will we get chance to see it on BBC iPlayer or 4OD etc? Or can you post the script after the pilot maybe?

  6. silentbob69
    September 24, 2009
    6:25 pm

    Nice one..

    Give me a hook up if you know someone in the 'biz' as everytime I send a script to those fuckers at theBBC's Writers Room I get back some decent feedback but it never gets anywhere. I

  7. zenp
    September 25, 2009
    3:07 am

    …when you gotta go, you gotta go…

  8. bloodred
    September 25, 2009
    4:13 am

    lol wups read the other post first… but i'll bring some bank for drinks and u bring an aids shirt =) btw AWK ( tonight i youtubed him) is pretty nasty too on the piano… this will be fun

  9. medicating
    September 25, 2009
    3:38 pm

    P.S. you should come down to Chattanooga, TN if you can (I know it’s a long drive) and show the DJ at Club Fathom how it’s done (Saturday night) its a long shot so I won’t get my hopes up, but if you do you should email me (SSTEENIS it’s actually my stepmom’s previous name and I have no clue how it ended up as my cellphone’s name.) so I can spend my last ten bucks in my savings account to go.

  10. medicating
    September 25, 2009
    4:27 pm

    I wish you luck on the rent man, and its awesome you were able to not let anyone down over the whole thing. I tried to get a loan from my bank to drive up there to NYC from Georgia, and they denied it. (I told them it was to fix my car.) so.. I wanted to go but here I am not going. I forgot to turn my alarm on last night and missed work today too, but they are only going to write me up for it if I am late tomorrow so lets be on time. I have to fix my windshield, and save up a deposit to get an apartment, but when I'm done doing that I plan on buying a pair of Don Shoes and a few of your albums (sometime during October) so maybe that'll help you out some. Cheers.

  11. The Dave
    September 25, 2009
    5:39 pm


    In an age of w**kers, c**ts and t**ts you, sir, are a true inspiration.

    This time next year, when we’re all superstars, we will take a pilgramage to NYC in your honour, all on AAA.

    Dress rehearsal footage is in post production as we speak.

    DJC, AAA

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