As promised, it is my pleasure to present to you a brand new song…

LEMMINGS!

It’s from my next mixtape, ATD28: Unkillable Thunder Christ, which comes out on May 7th. You can preorder it here right now! Glory!

Lemmings was produced by me, Akira The Don and mastered by Gaz Williams, who is out in Paris working 14 hour days on an opera but still comes through for me like a G.

Respect and thanks to the mighty Tim Wright and DMA Design, who brightened our universe with their beautiful computer game and went on to become ROCKSTARS.

LYRICS:

some idiot from the coalition
got the people in a panic over petrol
Like its going missing
its like they hear but they dont listen
Spending every penny fillin up that pot they aint got to piss in
pourin petrol down their dumb selves
screaming in a blaze of gory
dictionary definition gassed
s’why you shouldnt vote tory
me I didnt vote none of them
if I had I’d be part of the problem i refuse to legitimise what I see to be a completely corrupt system
that’s me though
and I aint asking you to follow me though
i just want you to think when somebody tells you to jump of a bridge

DONT! JUMP! OFF!

now I wont say the name
but theres a newswebiste that can take the blame
for trolling people up on twitter
into bullying dames
I seen it happen time and time and time again
it goes:
publish an obviously inflammatory page
tweet that shit then wait for the rage
so self righteus “how could she write this”
ching ching ching ker ching and get paid
it works every time
clockwork, maths, its the perfect crime
cos when the lemmins see the other lemmins ready to sign
they’ll be screaming out “show me the dotted line!”
like that phony baloney Kony prank where
20 mili lemmings spread a piece of propaganda
some plum said guns’ll bring peace to uganda
turns out he was a wanker

— Monday, April 30th, 2012

In the second of his new weekly blog series, ATD talks ending up in strip clubs by accident and announces his new mixtape, UNKILLABLE THUNDER CHRIST, out MAY 7th! Preorder here!

New song on Monday! It’s called LEMMINGS! Let’s go!

— Saturday, April 28th, 2012

I went into The City to meet Adam from Capcom and my Maven buddy Matt Muir last night. It was a good time. We drank a boatload of rum and came up with ill ideas for the Street Fighter 25th anniversary celebrations, and I played Matt some of my LP3 demos. He did a lot of beaming and an actual LOL at one point, encouragingly at the right spot. I am really pleased with how the songs are coming out. They soundtracked my whole journey from Nu Olympia to The Pillars Of Hercules, and it was a deeply joyous time.

I will likely not surprise some of you that after we parted ways I ended up in a strip club. IT WAS A COMPLETE ACCIDENT, there was a bar next to my bus stop in Stratford and I thought, sheeee-it, my bus isn’t for 20 minutes, I’ll grab a drink. I didn’t know it was a strip club. I thought it was an R n B joint. They frisked me like it was an airport on 912, charged me £4 and told me in no uncertain terms to take my hat off, but at no point was there any indication the place was a strip club. The place looked like the set of a 70s sci fi movie in a state of half-dress, all blue neon lighting and shiny poles and tubes and piles of wires pouring out of the walls like intestines. There were 5 people in there, two of whom were strippers and one of whom was a barman. One of the strippers said I looked like David Gwetta which I took as a terrible insult. “I am going to have to be honest with you young woman,” I said, “But I don’t think I will be having a dance.” “Thank you for letting me know,” she said, and immediately swung her bare arse off to the end of the bar where a tiny man in a windmill cap and bottle top spectacles who appeared to have been soaking in a bath for about a week bought her shots for half an hour, after which point she could barely stand, let alone “dance.” I wonder if she told him he looked like Hans Moleman, because he did.

I walked home along the canal, next to the myraid Olympic stadia. The sky was a deep, cosmic, Kirbyesque purple. I made up a song, and sang it all the way home, so I wouldn’t forget it.

Last time I ended up in a strip club by accident was down Shoreditch High street in the early naughties, as they are so lamely referred to these days. Me and P$ were looking for a place to play pool, and we found this bar called The White Horse that said it had a pool table. We should have known from name really. Anyway, we went in, bought some beers, and racked up eagerly. I was leaning in to take a shot when I glance up and see this beautiful vision sort of gliding towards me in a frilly neglige, holding out a glass beer mug. She was bathed in light, like an angel. I assumed for a second that I had died and gone to Valhalla, and sort of stared slack jawed as she drifted towards me in slow motion and put her face right next to mine, smiling… then shook the beer jar at me, enthusiastically. It was full of 20 pence pieces and pound coins. I then noticed, for the first time, the stage behind her, resplendent with Stripper Pole. I was crushed.

— Friday, April 27th, 2012

Joy unto mankind! Look at this wonderful video of a guy freaking out over a double (“starting to look like a tripple rainbow“). I spotted it on Jay Electra’s twitter feed. Amen unto him.

That guy is having what’s know as a Peak Experience.

I have had a few. One I described on a song from The Kidnapping. I was sat on one of the 50p shaped benches outside Woolworths one day after school when I was about 15, and all of a sudden I could see everything that had been in that area, and presumably ever would be, all at once. The people stretched down the high street like worms, multilayered trees and shops and buildings teetered up into the sky like Jack’s beanstalk. I was overcome with an intense feeling of bliss and awareness. Yet almost as quickly as the vision came, it was gone.

Another time I was sat on a patch of grass next to some partly demolished houses in Brooklyn. I’d been wandering around all day looking for a house to live in. I sat my ass down and started to read a Hate comic book. The sun fell upon me, and I looked up, and the sky seemed to burst open, and I was once again suddenly overcome with a great and overwhelming sense of joy and wonder, and at the same time a deep and certain awareness of who I was, and how I fit into everything. It only happened for a moment, but the feeling, and a little of the awareness stayed with me. Sometimes when I’m a bit sad I suddenly remember it, without even trying to, and I feel better.

“Above the clouds, no rain,” as I once rapped.

How about you?

— Thursday, April 26th, 2012

YES! MERRY HAPPY BROTHERS AND SISTERS! TIS A GTREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE! ALIVE! AND NOT SEAN BEAN IN PRETTY MUCH EVERY THING HE’S DONE! WHEREIN HE ENDS UP DEAD! DEEEEEEAD! DEAD LIKE  THE BABY JESUS! AMEN!

I have been working on a new song. I have too many song-based projects on the go at the right now. I must hurry and finish them fast, because I am GOING TO AMERICA in a matter of weeks and I must be prepared in case someone offers me loads of money in return for them, like last time.

Thassright brothers and sisters! I have saved up my $$$s and I have booked my flights! I land in San Francisco on May 17th, the day after my birthday! And I fly out to LA on the 21st! Then I fly back to the UK on the 26th! Then Prometheus comes out! Yesss! What a month!

So holla at me America. I AM COMING.

Poor Sean Bean dying all the time. “I should have known!” cried Meme Hitler, upon learning of Ned Stark’s death. “Sean Bean is a two-legged spoiler!”

I wonder what the combined viewership of all those Downfall memes is? Surely a great many times the viewership of Downfall itself. Shit, I haven’t seen Downfall and I’ve seen about 9 Donwnfall memes and I avoid Downfall memes like leprosy.

Apologies. It’s just we’re a bit Thronesey round here, after Zef’s G.O.T.-themed birthday party held at Don Studios on the weekend. It was most joyous. We made a Cake Of Thrones and everything. Zef turned up wielding a vast glass bubble of cider, crest adorned with a Hand Of The King brooch, and I wore a pony tail. Charlotte wore a nice red dress. “I don’t have any wench clothes,” she complained, bitterly.

We imbibed and played video games on the projector and were merry. Zef is very good at Worms. Apocalypto doesn’t get any less intense on repeat viewings. Sonic And Sega All Stars Racing is always thrilling. Hail Fun.

Photos and cake by Charlotte Narkiewicz

— Tuesday, April 24th, 2012

A gift! For one day only, have a FREE DOWNLOAD of my smokey anthem, THE WEED SONG!

Happy 4/20 to All my Weed Celebrating brothers and sisters! May this day be buried under a green fog so vast and stinky that you never remeber it!

Amen!

Oh, and here’s a new VLOG what I just did, about the NEW MUSIC and the MASSIVE ENVELOPE I got in the post!

— Friday, April 20th, 2012