November 2008
By Akira The Don on Friday, November 21st, 2008

From The Daily Mash:

THE mystery of where all the money has gone was solved today as BP announced profits of £1200 a second.

Image

BP uses tubes to suck money out of your trousers

Economists, baffled at the disappearance of more than £1.8 trillion in the last 12 months, now believe it is sitting safely in the account of the multinational oil giant.

Bill McKay, chief economist at Donelly-McPartlin, said: “I’m so relieved. We’ve been looking for this money for ages.

“Some claimed it had been abducted by aliens, while others insisted it had been stolen by pirates and buried under a palm tree in the Caribbean.

“But I always had a feeling that BP would have it. You see, money is a bit like a salmon. It swims around in the ocean for a while but sooner or later it always finds it’s way back to BP.”

Meanwhile the company has produced a new promotional video of chief executive Tony Hayward explaining how the company can now afford to buy a Sony Bravia 46-inch LCD TV from Comet every second.

Mr Hayward is then seen clicking his fingers at regular intervals while saying, ‘there’s another one, and another one’.

Chancellor Alistair Darling said: “So basically, you privatise something that ends up making £1200 a second and you nationalise something that loses £1200 a second.

“Swings and bastarding roundabouts.”

— By Akira The Don on Friday, November 21st, 2008

By Akira The Don on Thursday, November 20th, 2008

brookes1_436318a

From The Times

— By Akira The Don on Thursday, November 20th, 2008

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

The-megalomaniacal-spider-manRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Seriously, I have been looking for this for years. YEARS. Everytime i go past a comic shop, i go in, and ask if they’ve got this. or any new Evan Dorkin. They never have either. And mostly they have never heard of either. Comic shops seem to mainly sell really expensive toys these days anyway. One of my ambitions as a kid was to have my own shop, that sold comics and records and huge goggles. I figured I could hang out all day reading comics and smoking fags and chatting up hot geek chicks. Maybe I’d live upstars, and have a studio up there or something.

One day, maybe. Right now I think there might be few dumber ideas than opening a comic shop in today’s economic climate. Maybe joining the BNP (and asking for “absolute confidentiality”), or becoming President. Or a rapper. Loffaloffagus. Anyway – fie on all those useless comic shop dorks! Where they failed, my pal Colin has succeeded, and I now have a copy of Peter Bagge’s The Megalomaniacal Spider-Man (yeah it’s digital, but sheeet, at least i can read the thing!). Let us party like it weas 2099 and we were all Andrew WK!

Awooga!

Yes. And while the  Yousendit link lasts, you should all get it too. It is, after all, a comic book by Peter Bagge about Spider-Man. As if it’s not amazing! Huzzah! Let’s all call Colin a  G! G! G! G!

— Thursday, November 20th, 2008

By Akira The Don on Thursday, November 20th, 2008

From XXL.

Never mind that Dedication 3. I heard it sucks balls anyway. Even a dedicated Wayne stan like the late, great Noz couldn’t get behind it. The hottest tape out right now is the one where al Qaeda calls your boy Barack Obama a house negro.

It isn’t a mixtape per se, but rather a YouTube video that consists primarily a picture of some Arab fellow, with pictures of the President-Elect and Malcolm X to the left and right of him respectively. It’s interspersed with clips of Obama going to visit that sacred wall in Israel, where he shoved a tiny prayer in between the cracks only to later have it stolen by some enterprising journalist (if you don’t recall any Obama campaign events taking place in a mosque, that’s because Obama knew better than to treat Muslims as if they were actual citizens of this country), and a vintage clip of Malcolm X explaining the difference between a house negro.

Of course the media has mostly seized upon the latter. In the few news reports I’ve seen on this shit so far, I haven’t seen any serious analysis of the actual statements made in the video – just a bunch of blather about how offensive it is that al Qaeda would use the term house negro in reference to Barack Obama. The new al Qaeda tape only runs three and a half minutes in its entirety. But in a six and a half minute-long news segment on the tape, you hardly hear any of it. Even the clips of al Qaeda they’re showing on CNN aren’t from this tape. The fuck? I guess they don’t want you to recognize it, if you accidentally stumble upon it online.

You can’t help but be reminded of when Ralph Nader had the sheer balls to call Barack Obama an Uncle Tom the day after this year’s historic presidential election. Or rather, to question whether Obama would become the Uncle Sam we so desperately need him to be, or just another Uncle Tom. The substance of Nader’s comments was lost in the fact that he used somewhat offensive language, but you wonder if his comments would have been mentioned on TV if he didn’t. Could it be that Ralph Nader is smarter than we think? I heard he went to Harvard Law, though I’m not sure if he was editor of the Review. He might not have been enough of a “consensus builder.”

With Ralph Nader effictively dismissed as a racist, Obama then began looking into hiring damn near everyone from the Clinton White House to work in his own White House, including Hillary herself as his Secretary of State; and for his Chief of Staff, this guy Rahm Emmanuel, who’s said to be far to the right of even President Bush when it comes to matters re: Israel, the Iraq War and what have you. They even let Joe Lieberman keep his job as the Chairman of the committee on Homeland Security, even after he spent the entire year on stage with John McCain suggesting that Obama is a terrorist. Seriously, that’s just not the kind of shit a black man does.

How disappointing.

Oddly enough, this new al Qaeda tape doesn’t come off as so much of a threat as it does a simliar expression of disappointment. Regardless of the ridonkulous amount effort Obama puts into separating himself from the Muslim community, the fact remains that he comes from a Muslim background. His father was born a Muslim, and while the official story re: Obama, Sr. is that he died an atheist, I wonder if Obama doesn’t just say that so that people won’t think his father was a Muslim. Though I’m not gonna lie, it pleases me to know that it’s officially more acceptible to be an atheist in this country than it is to be a Muslim. Don’t get it twisted, religion – regardless of the flavor the bullshit – is the root problem in all of this.

What’s more, Obama spent a significant amount of his childhood in Indonesia, where he couldn’t have not heard the call to prayer twice a day, or however often they do that silly shit. What did Obama do when everyone else in his school (not a madrassa, he’d like to note!) turned to the east (or would it have been the west?) and got down on their knees – stand to the side and wait, afraid it might one day hinder his chances of becoming president? I don’t mean to suggest that Obama is a secret Muslim, like his pal Joe Lieberman has been trying to paint him all year now. I’m just saying. Muslims are Obama’s people just like black people here in the US are Obama’s people. Maybe even more so. And in that sense, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for them to call him a house negro, or something along those lines.

— By Akira The Don on Thursday, November 20th, 2008

By Akira The Don on Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

This is sick. it’s like a trippeier CLONES or some shit…

See?

— By Akira The Don on Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

By Akira The Don on Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

darth

Why have I only just noticed this?

— By Akira The Don on Wednesday, November 19th, 2008