So, here I am, packing up my house again, throwing away crap and wondering why I still have so many DVDs despite decemating my collction just 6 months ago, and what do I keep finding? Half finished packets of chewing gum. This has been happening to me since I was 15, and I don’t even really like chewing gum. But every time I move I find a whole lot of half emptied chewing gum packets. It is totally doing my head in.
Hmm, I just got totally distracted from my work for, like, half an hour reading about Lil Wayne. But never mind that – my little brother Alex has made his first podcast (I am one of his guests), The Spice Girls have reformed and we lucky fools in the UK somehow have a new Government. What The Fuck? Apparently today they “discussed the flooding crisis”. That must have been fun. Since we have that marvelous Civil Contingencies Bill as LAW now, they can, in the case of flooding, suspend parliment.
True story. I do not lie. In the event of flooding – go read it – they can suspend parliment.
Shit, they can do all sorts of crazy stuff. Check it:
Stuff they can now get up to with impunity in the event of flooding mentioned in the Civil Contongencies Bill:
* Confiscation of property, with or without compensation
* Destruction of property, animals or plants; with or without compensation
* Deployment of the armed forces
* Forced movement, to or from a place
* Forcing a person to act, without remuneration or compensation
* Prohibiting assembly
* Prohibiting travel, or virtually any other activity.
Serious! In the event of flooding they can nick your house, shoot your dog, sic the army on your ass, then send you to Coventry to make killer robots out of the bits of your dead dog and some rusty tin cans for NO MONEY, while not allowing you to go and meet your mates in town and see the new Die Hard movie! SERIOUS! How fucking NUTS is THAT?!
Yes, I that’s what I thought. To the hills, Maude, and bring the shotgun!
14. Horrorism: The propensity of ill-educated youths (and the press who represent them) to champion derivative music.