WE ARE PLAYING A GIG TONIGHT!

It’s at Plan B, in Brixton. Headline are Akira The Don & The Women, which is me, and my band. We shall be joined onstage by N Dubbs, feat. Narstie and Solo, and the singularly awesome Bashy.

Support comes in the form of live sets by Bashy, N Dubbs, Marvin The Martian and Technically Men. The thing will be capped with a DJ set by Keith “Radioactiveman” Tenniswood. BANG! BANG!

Get ye tickets and directions here.

Funny how you all got so hot and bothered about MissoddType, eh? I had more emails about her than I did poor Mendez. Shame on you! Anyway, in answer to your queries, she is an emcee from Londonland, and you can hear her spit righteously on her myspace page, which I can’t link proper cos myspace is down as I type, but you’ll find her in my friends list. Safe.

Hey! Luke sent me LADIES IN UNIFORM! You’ll love that. Peace to all my lesbrarian sisters emailing me weird rudery. Peace to all the younglings in Baltimore who love Bearman. Peace to Missy in Toronto who loves Bashy. Peace to you all! See you tonight! I’ll be the one in ORANGE!

Oh, I nearly forgot. Gwil emailed me this:

Murdoch to fuck with Number 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The worst thing imaginable; Sky One to remake the prisoner!

Link!

All together now: Urrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

— Wednesday, November 30th, 2005

So, ITunes didn’t get the song online till Saturday. Other netfolks cocked up too. But like I give a single fresh FOCK, sonny – CLONES is at NUMBER ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the CultureDeluxe Chart.

WOO HOO! WOO HOO! WOO HOO!

Oh happy day! That beats number 73 in the “real” charts any day of the week! I am so happy I just sneezed! Let us celebrate! All back to mine! You can share my cold!

From the Culture Deluxe front page:

AKIRA THE DON HITS NUMBER ONE

It’s been a long time since the CDX chart has seen one single enjoy such a meteoric rise in popularity. However, this week Akira the Don has attracted a record number of votes (most high too) and shoots past Madonna, Franz Ferdinand, the Arctic Monkeys and the Arcade Fire to take the number one slot. Now, we are all agreed that Clones is a damn fine track, built around an excellent Alice Cooper sample with cutting and relevant lyrics delivered on top, but this sudden public interest may actually stem from Akira posting the link to the charts on his website this week. Well, we say good on ya, and welcome all new CDX users who’ve come through this route, and, indeed, welcome to Akira himself. May you enjoy this number one, and may it make up for not even reaching the top 75 of the UK charts. Yes sir, the British single buying public are the real villains here!

I would dissagree, actually. They rule! People kick ass! Kiss them every oppurtunity you get! Even if they have colds!

So, on an uglier note, I have been monitoring this shamefull new lurch into the past – wherein a lady’s right to decide whether or not to bear a sprog is refuted – with some unease. In America Roe VS Wade looks likely to be overturned, leading to a glorious new era of bloodied coathangers and the like… Anyway. They tell me it could never happen here. “it could ever happen here!” they say. But no! I just peeped the newsrack next door, and today’s Daily Mail headline screams “50 Babies A Year Are Alive After Abortion!

Don’t sleep folks, they will fuck you up, serious.

The same rag has a big thing about the “chaos” this so-called “24 hour drinking” has caused. Personally, here in London, I have found it nigh on impossible to get a drink after 1 in the main. I have seen no difference whatsoever. Here, at least, it appears to be a fallacy. Dunno about Brummage though, I ain’t been there in years. Still, noone’s blamed it for George Best’s death yet, but perhaps they yet shall…

— Monday, November 28th, 2005

Oh no! Not ONLY do I have a stinking cold, but iTUnes haven’t been selling CLONES all week so I might not get to number 73 in’t charts! TRAGEDY!

They are selling it now though, swines. It’s listed as Clones EP for no good reason. Still you can buy it in’t shops. I recomend the vinyl, it is pretty.

Wade emailed me, Wade is funny. He sent me This Link – which is funny and sweet – and said the following:

senator mcgain on the daily show was funny

also mr cheney lobbying for right to torture

w
a
d
e

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Lauren took me to see The Libertine last night. It was amazing. That guy I love out of Coupling’s in it! And so’s Johnny Vegas! What an amazing film! I want to see it again.

Jeres and Bashy are coming round in a bit to film the voiceover for our Christmas Cartoon. So what If I am full offlourecent snot? What a great job I have!

My favourite song at the moment is Billy Joel’s Summer, Highland Falls. It goes a little something like this:

They say that these are not the best of times
But they’re the only times I’ve ever known
And I believe there is a time for meditation
In cathedrals of our own
Now I have seen that sad surrender in my lover’s eyes
And I can only stand apart and sympathize
For we are always what our situations hand us
It’s either sadness or euphoria

How thoughtlessly we dissipate our energies
Perhaps we don’t fulfill each other’s fantasies
And as we stand upon the ledges of our lives
With our respective similarities
It’s either sadness or euphoria

GET ME!

Oh, that photo was taken by the evidently talentful John Wykes-Sneyd, for Soundgenerator. I think it is proper book.

— Saturday, November 26th, 2005

Oh baby, I have a cold!

How lame!

I haven’t been ill in ages.

I DON’T GET ILL! I AM ILL!

Ho ho.

So, iTunes have cocked up, and you still can’t get CLONES from there. Neither them OD2 people. Lame! So you should buy it from 7 Digital, or in the shops (Virgin is selling the CD for £1.99 and the superior vinyl for 99p) so I can get to number 73 int’charts. Otherwise I’ll have to, like, moan.

65,002 people clocked the video on Newgrounds so far! Reviews are either “10 – genius!” or “0 – fuck you assholes!” But on a ratio of 2 good to 1 bad, so I am not as polarising as I’d hoped. Ah well.

Big up Zef for all his work. Big up Ian Capfeild for having us on his radio show last night. It was easy and fun – me and Mary and Bashy went in and did CLONES and AIDS and I chatted some crap or other. Next week is going to be very busy, with three gigs and lots of chats and things. This weekend I am recording my nearly-love song, and my Sway ansaback, so you nice emailers will have one of these (I haven’t decided yet) on Monday am. Tonight I am having a wee respite, going for a cherry coke and a cinema showing of The Libertine, hurrah for me.

Oh, I met The Woman Of The Year yesterday! How ill is that! Tragically she is married. Ah vey.

Oh, you should check my boy Daniel doing his thing from 10-12 midnight on Sunday at www.xpressionfm.com. Safe!

— Friday, November 25th, 2005

So, 39,567 people have watched the CLONES animation on Newgrounds. And Jo Whiley just played it on Radio 1, and, I am told, Enthused. and asked for feedback. You can give her feedback by emailing her at jo.whiley@bbc.co.uk, or text her on 81199. Why you’d want to do such a thing I couldn’t possibly fathom, eh?WHUP.

I’m gonna be on Ian Campfield’s XFM show tomorrow night. I shall play a few songs, I think. Bashy will be there. We might rap over Journey or something of there’s time…

So, get ready for BOOZE, eh? This whole thing is starting to remind me of that gin thing they pulled in the 1600s. I’ll write a bit more on that when I have a second.

PEACE!

— Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005

Yo! Old Man, AKA DAD! If you are reading, email me, you terrible swine. I hear you have moved from your home and have left your job, which is progressive and admirable, but it means your email and number don’t work anymore, and me and Jeres want you to come and see The Baggies with us on the 10th of December. Holla at your son! And you’d beter have bought my single!

Which reminds me, those who know me, I lost my phone the other week. So I haven’t been purposely ignoring your texts, etc. And I have a new one. It plays Elephant Man songs! Email me for the new number.

Today I did two interviews and caught a train, on which I wrote a song. Hurrah!

Cough.

— Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005