So, you were all right, Batman was dope. I love Christian Bale. Don’t just look at it. Eat it. What a cast! What a Batmobile! What an excellent growly voice affected to hide dude’s identity!
The sun shines here in England-land, and the tree sperm invades my face. I don’t mind too much, because I am a sun-worshipper, and have spent the past few days not wearing clothes as often as possible. Yesterday my old man took me for a picnic and I got bitten on the leg by a horsefly. My left calf is twice the size of the right one. It is pretty gully.
Now, I hate to have to say this, but really, stop hating on the Game. 300 Bars And Runnin Is GREAT. Whaddya mean too long? I am a person who loves rap, and one rarely gets to hear a dude spit for fifteen minutes. And man, if he could keep up that level of beat dopery, and that fluidity in his flow, I would listen to his ass rap about fucking Star Wars figurines for an hour, I swear. I LOVE RAP! RAP IS ACE! Yeah, I heard the rumour Iovine and Dre and Em are gonna cock block his next album to placate Fiddy. People tell me I should be scared. Whatever. I shall just keep doing what I am doing. Maybe I’ll go a bit harder, is all.
So, I was supposed to be doing some cover shoot for some MOBOS thing with all the other hottest new rappers in the game, but they only told me this morning, so I can’t make it. I got shit to do. So when you see the thing, and you’re all like, where’s the fuckin DON? Surely THE DON is the hottest rapper in the game – well, know that.
So, that dope picture up there was sent in today by one of my peoples, Jesse Figueroa. He did it in MS Paint. THAT IS FUCKING FRESH. I’m getting lots of these, so I might have to start a special section on the site.
My old man, he say, “ignorance is bliss”.
Which is true.
But so is lying in the middle of the road in the pissing rain with a bag full of heroin racing through your bloodstream. And I wouldn’t recommend it for all my brothers and sisters.
Encouragingly, the swine’s majority was cut from 67 to 31. Boris Jonson voted against, along with the rest of the Tories, the Lib Dems, and some rebellious New Labour heads who don’t mind losing their trips abroad.
So, there is, as, ever, hope. I mean, Bony Tlair does tend to get his way, but serious, you won’t catch me with no Goddamn ID card. They don’t own me, Bub. Nor you. And if you happen to carry one of those cancerous “loyalty cards”, it is not the same – it is similar, but if, for example, you are a Tesco person, you can quite happily go to Safeway and those Tesco people won’t know.
Have I mentioned, it’s the same people running the ID Card technology that were working out how hard to work those captive Jews back in the thirties? They kind of saw it coming, but they never thought it would happen to them – not there.
A wise man learns from history. Doobie doobie.
The aforementioned Boris has written an excellent piece about smoking on his website, by the way, a subject dear to my heart. I am struggling with it at the moment, but can feel the day of reckoning is close. I was a bit sad earlier, because some of my people have no sense of history and believe whatever they’re told by the telly or the news or politicians.
Many, many years ago, as is well known, the everlasting lightbulb was invented. Yet still, we all go out every couple of weeks, and spend a quid or whatever on these weird ancient lightbulbs that pop weeks later. And we don’t think about it.
I wonder – do you think there is really no cure for the common cold? Or do you think that perhaps, there is – but the drugs indutry makes a huge, grotesque, obscene ammount of wong out of so-called medicine and would much rather we all keep buying their crap than, like, never catch a cold again?
Do you think if there were a cure for cancer, it would be made aviliable? Or do you think they’d keep it their little secret, bump off the doctors involved, and keep making millions out of their drugs? Given that patents run out asfter seven years and all.
Do you think it’s weird that, two months after the British and the Americans went all over Africa vaccinating people against, – what was it, smallpox? – two months after, AIDS is all over that bitch like golddiggers at an Usher afterparty?
Do you think, my peoples, that I am too, too, too cynical? You think I can sleep at night?
Because I can. I seep like a baby. And that is because I have a vast, somesay blind, somesay naive belief in my fellow man. I think we are amazing, because they have pulled this shit on us for time eternal, yet here we are, making terrible pop music and telling bad jokes (although we don’t tell as many jokes as we used to… but that is another story) and arguing with each other about stupid things like TV shows. We are beautiful! WE RULE! So I believe we can prevail, that there is a future for us that does not involve gas chambers. I do!
What’s going down right now is exactly the same as what went down when Hitler first got in. If you have even the most vague notion of modern history (and I have less), it is as evident as those whopping great elephantine earjugs that sprout rudely from the side of Charles Clarke’s sweaty pink head. Shit is hardcore serious right now. Ignorance might be bliss, but it will soon turn to horror. Ask any junkie what happens when the smack runs out.
That dude in the middle teaches Czech people English.
He is also my brother, as is the one on the right. We was in Prague, where that middle one who is called Alexander does the teaching, and, um, the drinking. Prague is very pretty, but full of grotesque puppets and grumpy Czechs and elephantine Saes (English) with shiny bal’eads and football shirts. I hardly saw any actual Czechs. But they do have pretty amazing sculpture, all over the place, like, gods poking out from underneath windowsills and shit. Four ugly brothers. Superman with his head stuck in the ground, seemingly having crashed into the EARTH. And bad modern sculpture in the town centre. A nice big old river with a fake beach next to it. Rotten food. Not that I am a fan of food I suppose.
Still. We had a very nice time, thank you. Probably I liked playing football in the blazing sun with random people from all over the world best, despite complaining that I’d sooner die of woodlice prior.
I am in Hampshire now. Marek and I got the plane back last night, and he went to mine to hang with Wade, but I came here. I had an excellent train journey, and met some lovely dude called Chris who deejays progressive house, and some nice girls who sing Queen songs loudly, and I deejayed off of my laptop and old ladies were dancing about the carriage to Sweet Caroline.
Anyone seen the new Batman? Is it any good?
Also. I hear Bob Geldof turned up at Glastonbury and got a field full of douchebags to chant “make poverty history”. Someone should tear that douchebag imperialist’s stupid fucking face off and stick up Bono’s arse. John Pilger summed it all up perfectly in an article for this week’s New Statesman. Cop it.
Not that you can really tell where a day starts when you haven’t slept, but certainly, today started badly. Despite staying up all night and leaving the house in good time, crappy Kings Cross roadworks ensured I missed my plane, which flew off into the sky at 11:30 am. The next one with a free steat is at 6:30. I felt quite dreadful at that point, wandering around this giant drafty air hanger that is Gatwick Airport. BUT! There was a Starbucks, so I had one of those Caramel Mocohoca things I got into in New York, which sort of helped a bit. And Mary pointed out that it was sunny outside and I should find some grass, so I did. As it was, I found a pound, with great big fish in it, and a secluded spot in which to lounge about in my pants and read Private Eye and listen to my brilliant mixtape. And look at the giant fish. I was a bit scared of the fish.
Oh my peoples, what a glorious day! I did lounge and sun and do NOTHING, which I haven’t done in time. Missing that plane was the best thing I’ve done in ages. As it is, I haven’t seen much sun at all, as I feel I should be making noises or answering emails or, like, Doing Stuff all the time. And I did sod all today, save watch fish, and stoats (well, stoat, but I haven’t seen one of them in ages), and brush ants off of my glistening person.
I did that for a long time, but had to check in just. Gatwick is full of amazing breasts, with heads on top that smile at me. And I met some of my peoples in the crap record shop that doesn’t have the Kano album in. There were these two little dudes and a girl all in Greenday shirts shouting “AKIRA THE DON OI! NAaaaaAH!” Which is Bashy’s catchphrase, but still. Amazingly, one of them had downloaded the mixtape this morning and had it on his gayPod mini. They were off to Manchester, I think, which seems weird, it’s only a few hours on the train isn’t it? Anyway, big up you three.
Oh, I met a lovely old lady by a tree having a fag as well, and then her daughter. She was trying to set me up with her daughter. That was weird. Actually, I suppose isn’t that weird, but still.
ANYWAY! I am going to run into the pub and have a swift one, and not miss my plane, innit. I’ll write something of some substance later.
Oh! I nearly forgot. I went to the bogs earlier, this morning, and ,marvelled at the cleanliness. And then I returned to the same bogs a minute ago, and someone had written, in massive letters on the inside of the door:
WOT THE FUCK
YOU LOOKIN AT
He’d underlined BASTARDS. People kick ass.
I DID IT AGAIN!
Stay up all night doing a mixtape when I have a plane to catch, that is.
So, I am a bit boozy and smoky and sticky, given the heat and the hours put in, and shall mayhap sleep on the plane and miss THE VIEW… but I am sure you’ll be happy, so I am happy too.
So, the obligatory tracklisting for ATD9, ONLINE NOW!:
Narstie, Solo, Bashy & Akira The Don – Diamonds, Mines
Roll Deep – Shake A Leg
Looptroop – Fort Europa
Fat Joe – Beat Novacaine
Big Pun – Firewater
Dead Prez & Talib Kweli – Sharp Shooters
Black Market Militia – Thug Nation
Anth Latue – Life’s Crazy Part II
Akira The Don feat. John Travolta, Olivia Newton John, ODB, Ludacris, Beni Benassi & Wade Crescent – Rawgrease
System Of A Down feat Lil KIm – Violent Pornography
The Streets feat Roll Deep – Let’s Push Things Forward (Remix)
Bruza – Get Me
Akon VS Biggie & Kim Jong II – Ronery (ATD mix)
George Fornby – With Me Little Stick Of Blackpool Rock
AKira The Don feat. Bashy – Oh! (What A Glorious Things)
Aceyalone, Zack de la Rocha, Dead Prez, Black Thought, Goldii Loks, Pharoahe Monch, Wise Intelligent, Chuck D, Slimkid Tre, Gene Gray, Channel Live, Divine Styler, Sayeed, Tragedy, The Last Emperor, & p.e.a.c.e. – Mumia 911
Damian Marley – Jamrock
Paul Oakenfold feat Nelly Furtado & Tricky – The Harder They Come
Akira The Don VS Dead Prez & Cyndi Lauper – Time
Jehst & Yungun – Spend It On
Diamond D feat. Big L, Lord Finesse, A.G. & Fat Joe – 5 Fingas Of Death
Narstie, Solo & Akira The Don – Still
Bill Bailey – Unisex Chip Shop
Face – Stress
Akira The Don VS Snoop Dogg, Bronski Beat & Belinda Carlisle – Smalltown Boi