I do like red wine.
But it does stain strangely.
I have three rather large red wine stains on my nice white shirt and my nice white wifebeater, as a result of this evening (which, I hasten to add, was civilised, and involved less than two bottles between two, not some awful binge, I am just clumsy, is all, OK?). Nonny took me to see Iron And Wine at the Union Chapel. I do love the Union Chapel. Last time I was there Adam Green was supporting Cerys Mathews and got booed by all the lesbians for singing, “There’s no wrong way to fuck a girl with no legs/ just tell her you love her as she’s crawling away”. Some people have no sense of humour. As it went, Iron And Wine were very good – dude has a magnificent beard, and a fine line in touching, softly-spoke songs, aided by his sister and a beard in a nice shirt on slide and mandolin thing. Anyway. Iron And Wine I, as mentioned, enjoyed, but I enjoyed the company, and the pizza we had prior to, even more. Man, why haven’t I spent more time in restaurants? You get to have intelligent and not so intelligent conversation, and, like, eat, and drink red wine and shit. Nonny kicks ass. She remembers everything we did at school, like I asked her if she had hairy toes and took the piss out of her tits when we were 12. AND she does a useful job and shit. Now me and Wade are going to chain her up in our basement and make her print our faces on underpants. And you think we joke.
So, Radio 1 like, totally love me. I was on earlier, but I didn’t hear it, I was spilling wine down my shirt, but whatever. And there’s an interview with me on the Radio 1 Onemusic thing. Interesting pull quotes. I didn’t say “over the years hip hop has just become people singing about guns and money”! I said that’s what Viacom did! Bloody Viacom! Suck my dick!
Did I mention me and Zef are underway with my new cartoon? We’re doing a video for that ‘Living In The Future’ song. Maybe I already did mention that. Whatever. Apparently Something In Construction don’t like it. Well boo hoo. Jeres didn’t like it either, and he can suck my dick too, fucking pastie muncher. WORD!
So, Americans, I have mocked your news, your weird, slanted, unrealistic coverage of THINGS. But ours is just as bad, actually. All day yesterday, I was checking in on my Mam’s telly, to see about this goddamned state of emergency declared in Iraq. MARSHALL LAW!
Do you know marshal Law is?! JESUS! But all I could find on TV was this goddamned RAIL CRASH! Like, SIX PEOPLE died, because some dude parked his car on the track because he wanted to KILL HIMSELF! Like, WHOO! HOO! SO! WHAT?
It was all, like, that, and some dumb lady who runs, and gave up twice at the Olympics because she wasn’t going to win. So what? Fuck her.
And fuck a rail crash. So what? How many people got killed by cars in this shit country yesterday? They’re gonna sink billions into removing all rail crossings in the country as a result of that crap crash. WHAT?! Talk about misdirected anger. Talk about the issue. TALK ABOUT A LOAD OF DICK.
I copped the Independent, thinking, man, at least there’s a paper that’ll report the SERIOUS stuff. And guess what? Pages 1-7, fucking rail crash. Page 8? Fucking running lady.
Like I could give a fuck about some dead middle class white people and some fucking running lady. Buried on page 50 of Saturday’s independent – SUDAN FALLS INTO ANARCHY! Basically, those Janjaweed, having stolen everybody’s livestock, houses, etc., are paying repeat calls to rape any surviving women and kids, and steal any lentils and cups of mud they’ve amassed over the past few months. Nobody is doing shit. Page 50! Man, I do not get it. We live in the WORLD. I don’t see why fucking six people in a train crash in England is more important than 150,000 in Africa. WE ARE LIVING IN THE WORLD. The WORLD. W. O. R. L. D.